That headline doesn't refer to the ten-ton shit-gorilla from south Chicago that the Twins are tailing (with increasing desperation; this buzz-kill even puts Cleveland's Wild Card chances well ahead of Minnesota's). No, I'm talking about my own to-do list, having spent the last week on the North Dakota prairie with nought but an A.M. radio to tune me into the goings on in Twins Territory. Since cow pastures get pretty lousy reception, I was surprised to find, when I returned to the 21st century, the following developments:
- My favorite Supreme Court justice retired. More importantly, my second-favorite minor-league pitcher (and only because Boof Bonser has a way cooler name) was finally called up for his debut big-league start. And he did pretty well.
- Kenny Rogers sent a TV cameraman to the hospital on a stretcher. (An aside: Due to the slew of bloggers cracking "know when to hold 'em" jokes, I tried really hard to find some way to get "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town" into this entry. Turns out that's pretty hard.) He was immediately fined 50 grand and voted into the All-Star Game.
- Torii Hunter was not voted in; instead, Chicago launched a massive get-out-the-vote drive for Scott Podsednick on the strength of his stolen base record. Really? A campaign for the All-Star Game? Whatever. Maybe he, Buehrle and Garland will all contract the same season-ending viral infection from Comerica's shower stalls. Pretty please?
- The White Sox kept winning, as did the Indians. Travis Hafner's three-home-run day, while it essentially lifted Cleveland to within one game of the Twins, was pretty sweet, if only because he's a corn-fed North Dakota boy like me. Darin Erstad, NoDak's other heavy hitter, however, I could've done without.
And now it's back to Kansas City for a four-game rehab assignment to get over those morale-crushing one-run losses before the All-Star break. During which time I'll be launching the official "Vote for LeCroy in 2006" campaign. Look for bumper stickers soon.