From:
Jack K. Sparks
Hillbilly Number One
El Platano Blanco
To:
SGT Sparkes, Michael
FSC 1-327 IN REG
1ST ARMORED DIV
Somewhere Overseas
Cousin Mike,
Spring is breaking across Minnesota; however, we aren't experiencing it fully because the good Lord has seen fit to extend old Martinmas into damn near May. Unfortunately, Mother Nature's roulette wheel always lands on Black around this time of year as she ushers in all of Summer's shortsighted pursuits. Chief among these are man's search for sustenance from the feral fauna of the land, and, man's search for the big score from an endless procession of glue factory nags at Parimutuel windows from Santa Anita to Belmont.
There's no arguing with the numbers. Francisco Liriano's much-trumpeted return to the bigs ended with an unceremonious and ill-timed cymbal clash after he went just 2/3 of an inning and gave up 6 earned to the A's back on 4/24, bringing his 2008 totals to an unseemly 0-3, with an 11.32 ERA in three starts. Two days later, he was sent back to AAA Rochester.
The NFL Draft is the annual two-day event where the 32 NFL teams choose former college football players and everyone is treated to Mel Kiper Jr.’s endless rants and impossible pompadour.
Only in America can a guy with no football playing, coaching, or scouting experience get a plush gig on national sports television making wild predictions about a player’s “raw athleticism”, “explosiveness”, and the curious ability to be “faster than the stop-watch suggests.”
I don't know about you, but I would rather hear about how a player does on the Twinkie Test than on the nebulous Wonderlic Test.
The Minnesota Vikings made they’re biggest splash the week before the draft when they sent their first round pick (no. 17 overall) and two third round picks to Kansas City for defensive end Jared Allen. A guy my brother-in-law pinned as a “someone very capable of saying some really outlandish things” after games. Indeed.
This guy should help drag the Vikes out of the cellar when it comes to pass defense.
A lot has been made of giving up so much for one player, not to mention the contract the Wilfs shelled out. But the draft is a crapshoot, getting a fifth year player before or at his peak, in a position the Vikes needed to address, is hard to put a price tag on.
With one move the team established the most feared defensive line in football. It makes me giddy thinking about opponent’s 3rd downs in the dome with the crowd on its feet with Allen coming hard off the corner and Kevin Williams busting up the middle.
Former QB Steve Young from ESPN pointed out that Jon Kitna may now be the best quarterback in the division. That's scary. But it also means that Minnesota should now be positioned to make a run at the crown. Chicago is a mess especially after the re-signing of Rex Grossman; enough said. Green Bay returns most of their team from a year ago with one glaring exception, the retirement of Brett Favre, which will at the very least will cause some growing pains that come with breaking in a new signal caller. As for Detroit, they’ll find some way of mucking it up, they always do. In addition, they lost their force in the middle Shaun Rogers to the Cleveland Browns.
For the Vikes, the passing game remains a big question mark. Will Tarvaris Jackson show marked improvement this year and connect with new wide receiver signee Bernard Berrian? It remains to be seen. Another looming area of concern is the offensive line. Center Matt Birk is in the last year of his contract and less than happy with the team’s attempts to resign him. Throw in Bryant McKinnie’s recent run-ins with the law, and the long-term health of this formidable unit is in jeopardy.
However, this fan is beyond optimistic for this season. With the reigning rookie of the year in Adrian Peterson and a defense that has only gotten stronger with multiple offseason moves by the front office, hopes and expectations are high.
It is perennially at this juncture of the baseball season that I feel some anxiety over the Twins' performance. Of course, the campaign is merely 21 games young. However, with both the Wild and the Wolves now done for the year, with the NFL draft conducted this weekend, and with SportsCenter pumping the leviathan popularity of the NFL our way as early as July, I've developed an unrest that the Twins need to win now to truly magnetize their fan base, ride the wave of early-season buzz, and maintain sports page headlines.
The Minnesota Thunder have endured three-straight miserable campaigns. Struggling with a paltry player payroll in a league that escalates in quality each year, the once-proud franchise (having advanced to the league championship four times between 1998 and 2003) hasn't qualified for the post-season since 2004. During Amos Magee's first two campaigns as coach, the club has compiled a sad 12-27-17 record.
As an obsessed fan of this lowly team, I have endured approximately 24,387 minutes (whether at The Jimmy or watching games on the Internets) of abject misery over the last three years. Now granted that statement probably says more about the misguided priorities of my life than it does about the state of a minor league soccer franchise that the general public really doesn't give a shit about. But that's the path I've chosen and it's too late to alter my destiny.
The Twins have an unofficial rule regarding AAA call-ups from Rochester that essentially guarantees a position player will be in the starting lineup for the first game for which he is eligible. Which, I've long felt, is a good thing: A young fella doesn't have time to let the nerves fray, day-after-day, watching the starters, and waiting for his chance to play. You get up, you get in.
Liverpool hosts Chelsea on Tuesday. Most troubling for the hosts is the questionable status of midfield talisman Steven Gerrard. He was ruled out against Fulham on Saturday owing to a neck injury, but is expected back in the lineup for tomorrow's showdown. Will Gerrard be fully fit? Chelsea has more significant woes. Midfield dynamo Michael Essien is suspended owing to yellow-card accumulation, while Michael Ballack (hamstring) and Didier Drogba (knee) are banged up. Liverpool is looking to dump the Blues from the semifinals for the third time in four years. In six Champions League encounters all time between the clubs, a miserly three goals have been scored. Expect nothing different this time around. A single goal should make the difference. Who will it be? Fernando Torres.
To: Benjamin Polk
From: Jonathan Kaminsky
Date: 4/16/08
Subject: Randy recognize Randy
Hey Benjamin,
Say what you will about me, but throughout this trying season, I have remained a die-hard supporter of our (and by 'our' I mean 'Glen Taylor's') Timberwolves.
Fifteen games into our young season, new CF Carlos Gomez is looking most comfortable in his new environs, as evidenced by his sound batting average (.262), his confident body language manning center field (0 Errors; 1 Assist), and in oft-demonstrating his well-documented speed.
Coming home off a drubbing in Colorado, this game is huge in terms of momentum. History shows than 81% of the time, the team that wins Game 5 wins the series.More >>
Write Comment
Email to Friend
