LOL Naming Rights: Call it Paul Wellstone Park
Internet domain registrations offer a window into potential Twins stadium names. The team has parked 48 Web domains in advance of inking what is certain to be a lucrative naming deal. Most of these will never get a sniff, but there are clear frontrunners.
The first name cited in that Business Journal story? Land o' Lakes Field. That's right, ye fluent speakers of Internet: LOL Field.
This will not stand. We must not let the green, green grass of home be sullied with the tendrils of l33t speak. However noble you find the art of butter, that company's name has been swamped in meaning by the International Network of Worldwide Computers.
Don't feel bad, though, Land o' Lakes people. My entire industry has been thrown into disarray by the Web. So it could be worse.
Still, we seek alternatives. Other potential names, a few even serious, after the jump.
5. Bert Blyleven Ballyard. Normally, you have to wait until someone has passed on before you name a facility after them. I've always thought this was silly. Honor someone while they're still alive to enjoy it! Especially in the case of Bert Blyleven, a Hall of Fame worthy pitcher who hasn't yet garnered the necessary support. Naming the yard after Blyleven could give him the extra votes necessary to get Bert over the Cooperstown hump.
4. Sometimes It Snows In April Stadium. Had to work in a Prince reference, and this song is perfect for an outdoor baseball theme. The acronym would be "Sisia," which is even somewhat melodious. Sisia Stadium. C'mon, it could be worse. Plus, it snowed yesterday; any other name might lead to accusations of false advertising.
3. Bob Dylan's Subterranean Hometown Park. Another not-dead candidate for naming, the Minnesota native's star power is undeniable. But his connections to baseball are tenuous, and he's even become a (shudder) Tigers fan with admiration for (big shudder) Derek Jeter. So this probably is a non-starter. Although the song parody potential is enticing: "Kirby's in the basement ..."
2. Sub-Prime Mortgage Stadium. This is an attempt at the reverse jinx. Given that selecting one of these names requires the team forswearing the big bucks, we'll need all the non-foreclosure mojo possible.
1. Paul Wellstone Park. Few deserve commemoration more than local hero Senator Wellstone -- who, sadly, meets the posthumous naming requirement. Moreover, Bud Selig hated him. In response to baseball's threats to contract the Twins, Wellstone became a force to revoke baseball's antitrust exemption. Venerate a respected man of integrity and piss off Bud Selig at the same time; this name is a win-win if ever one existed.
Can I get a Amen? Or if you have other ideas, leave them in the comments.