Congratulations to the Atomic Bombshells, who beat the Rockits to take home the Minnesota Rollergirls championship last month at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium. Didn't make the event? Don't fret. Check out this fantastic behind-the-lines rollergirls doc, filmed on the scene by the vlog wizards at CoolHunting.com:

Yes, Kevin McHale, the man that every Wolves fan besides Glen Taylor wants out of the job. To be fair, McHale's tenure as the team's GM has been marked by peaks as well as valleys, and the Wolves' current dearth of victories makes it especially easy to rag on the craggy hometown guy. Still, to call him the best of all 98 GMs currently working in major league sport seems like a laughable over-correction. Heck, he isn't even the best GM in Minnesota.

Sid Hartman's Strib column remains a tragicomic must-read for any self-respecting sports fan who isn't already living with a crotchety grandpa barking inanities and spraying food over on the davenport. Nearly every day you can unearth something in Sid's column that is either a diamond or a really hard piece of shit. A week or two ago he spun a tale about once riding on a train with Joe Paterno and Woody Hayes as they scrawled plays on napkins until the sun came up. Or something like that. It was an absolutely riveting story, made all the more spellbinding by the fact that, because of Sid's advanced years and obsequious determination to remain in the presence of powerful people, it could actually be true.

But then you read something that just makes you shake your head and wonder who is making this stuff up, and why? An item in today's column was one such eye-popper, especially when you consider that it involves Yankees owner George Steinbrenner. The butt cheeks of Steiny rank among the top ten posteriors Sid enjoys nuzzling, and sometimes the ass of the moment will even offer up a morsel of information for Sid to pass on.(It's no mean feat to crack that top ten, by the way. The competition is heavy, what with Lou Holtz and Bobby Knight still alive and no fewer than eleven stadiums that have to be approved before December or every single athlete in the state will leave town by 2007. That's some serious suck-up.)

After working the kinks out of his kneejerk with some obligatory stadium grumbling, this was Sid's second item under "Jottings":

There isn't any doubt that the New York Yankees would have interest in trading for Twins center fielder Torii Hunter. But the only player on the Yankees roster the Twins could afford and might be accepted by them in exchange for Hunter would be young second baseman Robinson Cano and he isn't available.

Forget the fractured and grafted English (like I should talk) and consider the substance of that nugget. The only question that comes to mind is, Who is nuts here, Sid or Steiny? Robinson Cano is a nice little player who may eventually become one of the game's top five second basemen. Torii Hunter, however, ranks with Andruw Jones as the best defensive outfielder in the world, and is a far more dangerous hitter than Cano to boot. Put Hunter out in center field (even only 3/4 recovered from his broken ankle) when Adam Kennedy hit that "triple" in Game Five of the ALDS and the Yankees are playing the White Sox tonight instead of the Angels. An ace center fielder who can vacuum up flies and hit better than Bernie Williams and Bubba Crosby combined is exactly what the Yanks needed this season. And Cano "isn't available" in a swap for Hunter?

There is nothing new in the observation that sports columnists tend to be moralizing gasbags. Like talk radio, the sports column aims to engage the public by the easiest mean available--in other words, by inducing outrage.

That said, the response of Twin Cities columnists to the drug troubles of Viking running back Onterrio Smith has been exceptionally horrid. 

In a May 20 column, the Strib's Jim Souhan worked himself into a lather on the subject. The screed climaxed with this icky, artless sentence: "Smith pledged his allegiance to Mary Jane instead of Matt Birk, so he deserves to be punished." 

Could such censorious tripe ever be topped?

I didn't think so. Then I came across this piece by Tom Powers of the Pioneer Press, which opened with the line, "Thank you, NFL, for taking Onterrio Smith off our hands for one full season," and promptly careened downhill.

In his two seasons with the Vikings, Smith has been a rugged, reliable back who has averaged 4.9 yards a carry and has yet to lose a fumble. Apparently, he smokes pot sometimes. So what?

La Velle E. Neal III's Twins recap is utterly befuddling. The third-grade sentence construction is painful enough, but then he loses all grasp of the English language.

The runs can be scored on 450-foot homers, seeing-eye singles or (gasp!), even because of a walk.

However they are scored, it seems to happen to Twins righthander Brad Radke in the first inning of games.

"It happens to me a lot," he said, "but I swear I don't do it on purpose."

The trend did not change Thursday night, but it didn't matter as the Twins smacked the Tigers 10-4 to sweep the three-game series and headed Cleveland with a four-game winning streak.

Radke (1-2) settled in for the flight able to avoid his first 0-3 start to a season. And he tied Jim Perry for third on the Twins career list with his 128th victory.

On Wednesday, the Twins were able to score in the first inning for first time all season. On Thursday, Radke gave up two runs in the first inning, following a trend in recent seasons in which he's most vulnerable in the first inning. The stats back it: Radke has a 5.58 first-inning ERA since 1999. Through three starts this season, it's 15.00.

Vikes sale: exhaustive Fowler coverage, but paper ignores the Big Red Rat factor

Since Reggie Fowler's bid to purchase the Vikings was accepted by Red McCombs in February, two things have been striking about the Star Tribune's coverage: how rigorously it has pursued and reported the details of Fowler's offer and his background (story links here)--and how silent it's been concerning McCombs's possible stake in accepting an offer that may not pass muster with the NFL in the end. (At issue: the size of Fowler's personal fortune, and his business relationship with a man convicted in a college basketball point-shaving case.)

More: what about that $20 million down payment? 

Red, Reggie, and the Strib

Vikes sale: exhaustive Fowler coverage, but paper ignores the Big Red Rat factor

Since Reggie Fowler's bid to purchase the Vikings was accepted by Red McCombs in February, two things have been striking about the paper's coverage: how rigorously it has pursued and reported the details of Fowler's offer and his background (story links here)--and how silent it's been concerning McCombs's possible stake in accepting an offer that may not pass muster with the NFL in the end. (At issue: the size of his personal fortune, and his business relationship with a man convicted in a college basketball point-shaving case.) 

Fans are left to assume that Fowler's offer must be legitimate and sound, since McCombs surely did some due diligence of his own before accepting it. And no doubt he did. But McCombs may have been considering other things. As far as I've noticed, the Strib has never taken up the matter of Fowler's $20 million down payment and its status in the event the league turns Fowler down. Is it Red's to keep, as down payments usually are? We assume so, but when CP contacted Fowler's press rep, she declined to comment, and we never heard back from league officials to whom we posed the question.

Finally, a last detail of Fowler's finances that the Strib has yet to explore: Though the paper reported that the deal hinges partly on Fowler's sale of his share of a flight simulator company, SATCO, some experts think Fowler may be kiting the hell out of SATCO's value on paper. The story is told nicely at Mr. Cheer or Die's Viking Underground (scroll down to second item).      

A selective links bibliography, most recent stories first. (The Strib news pieces on Fowler's resume fibs are no longer in the paper's public archive.)

Vikings sale still has no timetable (3/24)

NFL waits to act on Fowler deal (3/21)

Divorce records don't disclose Fowler's worth (3/16)

Fowler's bid for Vikings moves slowly toward approval (3/11)

Fowler bid discussed, but action not taken (3/10)

My resume? You can't handle the truth (2/17)