So the Timberwolves' season got going last night and, as usual, I was unprepared for the surreal, multi-sensory assault that is live professional basketball. There were "dancers" in "sexy" Halloween costumes. There were sudden, terrifying bursts of ear-splitting pyro. There was a digitally simulated American flag waving in the pixelated breeze. There was an almost vaudevillian little sketch which ended with a putative Kings fan being chased around the floor by a by a hairy fat guy in skimpy drag (I was pulling for a pie in the face). So, lets see, we've got crass, powerfully un-arousing hyper-sexuality; spectacular simulated violence, plus enforced patriotism; and the always hilarious implied homophobia. Ah, sports.

Finally, the lucky spectator was treated the purple-clad, sparingly talented Sacramento Kings and their coach, the handsome Reggie Theus: former player, major beefcake and Saturday morning sitcom star (those exist). There was also a reasonably entertaining basketball game, which the Wolves won, 98-96. Despite the nice final result, the game had its ups and downs. Here are some of them.

More »

If you’re like me, this fall’s been a little rough. The last two weeks of the Twins’ season affected me more deeply than anything so ultimately unimportant ever should. Oh, but don’t worry, there’s also the election season, which is just as emotionally wrenching but, because it actually matters, so very much less fun. I don’t care what party you belong to, the site of adult humans engaging in such extraordinarily undignified moral contortions is cosmically depressing. These minor and major daily rituals of desperate hope and heartbreak combined with the lingering specter of the spectacularly crass NFL (again, this is just if you’re like me) and…I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m ready for the NBA.

More »

Luc Longley

In a draft widely considered to have two future All-Stars and everyone else, the Wolves characteristically wound up with the third pick. So, what should they do with it? Hell if we know. You guys have any thoughts?

More »

It took us a while to recover from the season sufficiently to go back and do that math. But the scores from our pre-season T-Wolves win prediction contest have been tabulated and a winner has been crowned.

That winner is none other than the good and great Jason H., who predicted, way back in October, that the 2007-08 Wolves would win 21 games. In Mr. H's own, immortal words: "21, Just like the year before KG arrived."

The Wolves, of course, finished their storied 19th season with a 22-60 record. And Jason H., with his outstanding ability to evaluate talent and to further translate this understanding into the harsh reality of wins and losses, is hereby presented with the following book from the Paul H. W. Demko Memorial Library:

More »

To: Benjamin Polk
From: Jonathan Kaminsky
Date: 4/16/08
Subject: Randy recognize Randy

Hey Benjamin,

Say what you will about me, but throughout this trying season, I have remained a die-hard supporter of our (and by 'our' I mean 'Glen Taylor's') Timberwolves.

More »

After watching a lot of Wolves basketball over the past few months, Ben Polk and I discuss the sideline antics of Randy Wittman, the curious case of Corey Brewer, and how to address the team's Greatest Needs. Next week: A blueprint for peace in the Middle East.

From: Benjamin Polk
To: Jonathan Kaminsky
Sent: Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Subject: I say hey, you say ho

More »

I will admit that I was among the many who were shocked and confused by the Rockets’ trade of their prized lottery pick, Rudy Gay, to the Memphis Grizzlies for Shane Battier, a veteran with mediocre numbers. This season has proven me (and all those other people) wrong as Battier has shown himself to be maybe the best “glue” player in the league—one of those selfless dudes who can shut people like Kobe Bryant down, hit open shots, make the right passes, and just play outrageously hard (Ryan Gomes is of a similar mold, I think—a bit less great on D, a bit better around the basket). The fact that the Rockets were able to win 22 games in a row, over half of those without Yao Ming, is a testament to just how important Battier is to their team. On the other hand, as I found out last night, Rudy Gay is nasty.

More »

Pistons 94, Wolves 90
Season Record: 19-54

The Detroit Pistons, comfortably secure in their second seed status for the Eastern Conference playoffs, came to town Tuesday evening with their three best players—Rasheed Wallace, Rip Hamilton, and Chauncey Billups— scratched from the lineup.

The Wolves, energized on their home court, where they’d won four straight(!) games, came out swinging. Jefferson was posting up McDyess, drawing contact, and sinking his hook shot. Gomes was hitting from the outside. Even Brewer was hot (more on him later). They were swinging the ball around, finding the open man, knocking down shots with gusto. In one particularly elegant display of this midway through the first, Foye made a nifty bounce pass inside to Jefferson, who did a little stutter step, sending McDyess into the next zip code, and dunking with emphasis.

More »

In case you missed it, the NBA held its annual Slam Dunk Contest this weekend, along with a bunch of other time-fillers. Our very own Gerald Green--last year's dunk champion--was a participant.

Now, because life is not fair, and also because the NBA has decided (with reason) to anoint Dwight Howard as one of its new superstars, Gerald did not win this year. But there was some real beauty, as well as some impressively channeled melancholy, in his performance.

Oh, and an all-business Rashad McCants was there, even if Charles Barkley didn't recognize him.

Free Darko, as ever, has a good take.

Richard Jefferson, the falsetto-voiced, goody-goody star of the New Jersey Nets, has been accused of choking a club-goer right here in Minneapolis. The alleged incident happened at Infinity, just down the block from Target Center, the night a couple weeks back when the T-Wolves came from behind to hand the Nets their ninth straight loss.

The weird thing about this is that Jefferson is not one of the league's bad boys. He even donated $3.5 million recently to build a new gym at Arizona U, his alma mater. Courtesy of TMZ, which also links the incident report.